lol

All nighters can be so much fun!!! Last night, i didn't sleep at all. I spent the entire night playing through halo and almost finished the game! I think anyways. Man, that was fun!!!!

Hello world!

Okay, wow. Now I know just what a full night's worth of sleep can do for you. I went to bed at 11 woke up at 3 and fell back asleep half an hour later. But wow! I feel refreshed and better than ever.
I really need to do that more often.

whatev

Huh, winter is almost here. I hate this season. It makes me so sleepy and negative. No matter how much sleep I get, it never seems to be enough. I snap at people more. I just don't like it.

really strange

Ok, this morning, when I overslept, I had this incredibly weird dream. In it, I told one of my female friends that I liked her (as in crush/love like her). And I could see her face clearly. Except she didn't answer me right away, and I thought that meant she didn't return the same feelings. So anyways, the dream continued and another girl comes up and declares that she likes me, at the same time that the girl I confessed feelings for does the same thing!
Now, I don't know if it was just a dream or if there is some meaning to it. Either way it was a dream I remembered, which is incredibly rare. They are often the weirdest of them all, but there have been a few that have somewhat come true. So, just thought I would share that.

October 13, 2009

Huh, today wasn't so great. oversleeping a class and then missing lunch. Today just wasn't a good day. But you know what? I am finally learning that I can choose how to react to it. I've always heard about this "choosing your reaction" thing, but now I'm finally understanding it. Today may not have been that great, but it's fried rice night! You can't go wrong with that, right? And besides, tomorrow is a brand new day, and will be so much better!
I am not what you would call a completely positive person. I have both positivity and negativity. Moreso than most. At least, that's how I see it. So, I am confronting it. Tomorrow WILL be a good day!

Music

Let's face it, we are surrounded by it. But do we ever really stop to think about just how much it impacts us? Hm, now that's something to think about.
It seems like we have a song for everything. Birthdays, weddings, funerals, our emotions: such as when we are angry, sad, happy. And then, there are the songs that we relax to.
But do we think about why those particular songs affect us while others don't? It's all quite interesting.
And then there is the music that just grinds our nerves (country!). But seriously, it is simply fascinating!

late night discussion

This is a discussion that i had with my cousin. He and I often hold discussions like these, but I would like to know you're opinions as well. I value each and every one of your opinions and beliefs. And I respect them. So, whatever it is that you say you believe, I won't tell you you are wrong. That gets us nowhere but into a circle argument (which can be quite fun depending upon the subject :) )

2:31amJon

if living is a constant quest for awareness, the awareness we gain at the end is the real goal. in other words, death is the discovery and complete understanding of the end

2:32amBen

so, would there be an after death in order to enjoy the discovery?

2:33amJon

no the discovery is death itself and the awareness that death is the ultimate truth

2:34amBen

hmmm, personally, i don't believe that, but you already know my views.

2:36amJon

yea i do but i just want you to try to see a much larger picture of the world instead of just seeing it through some "chrstians" eyes

2:37amBen

i already told you that i do. i don't limit myself to looking through just one point of view. i come at it from all sides and figure out what i personally believe.

otherwise i would be forcing my views and opinions on everyone around me

2:38amJon

and you can't do that by being a "christian". being a "chrstian" and calling yourself one limits you to a point of view predetermined by those that have taught you and have brain washed you into thinking whta they think is true

2:40amBen

i prefer to think of myself as a "follower of Christ". and just because i am that, does not neccessarily mean that i don't, or can't, look at it from a different perspective or point of view. it is simply what i have concluded that i believe

2:41amJon

and you are one of the few ppl that i know of who hasn;t tried to tell me that im wrong

2:41amBen

of course not! where would that get us? nowhere. we would do nothing but go around and around in a circle.

telling you that you are wrong is about as pointless as trying to move a solid brick wall

only you can determine or decide what you believe.

2:42amJon

so you would agree to the fact that we are what we are cause what we have done has changed us from what we were

2:43amBen

in a sense.

ever experience that we evered experienced shapes and molds us into what we are today

sry, meant every

lol

hey, do you mind if i posted this discussion of my blog?

on

2:45amJon

true but what greater gaol is there than proving to a friend that the only thing that truely matters in life is how you live it not what is after life

i dont care man. i brought it up for a topic of discussion and a blog is a place of discussion

2:46amBen

hmmm, i don't entirely agree with that one. i would have to say that it is a mixture of both. i believe that what we do in this life, affects us in the next.

2:48amJon

i would disagree. if pople were more concerned with the now and not the after we would have far less problems

2:51amJon

i would more precisely say that why live for tomorrow when you're alive today?

2:53amBen

that is a valid point. however, that wasn't exactly what i meant. what i meant was to live each to the fullest (you know, don't miss oportunities, and do your best in work and such) while also giving some thought to tomorrow.

2:54amJon

yes you should live to the fullest but you're not going to if you're thinking about tomorrow

2:56amBen

ah, but i said to give some thought to tomorrow, not constantly dwelling on it. for example, when you ask a girl out, you set a date right? isn't that "thinking about tomorrow"?

2:56amJon

the tomorrow i was talking about was a next life not the future

2:58amBen

the same concept applies though. and that was what i was talking about as well. see, the way i see it, the afterlife is sort of like setting up a date, or some event, like a concert. it's something to look forward to, but not constantly dwell upon

3:01amJon

if youre so intent on the after life ive got to wonder why so many ppl arent willing to take more risks in their day to day lives they are like rats in a cage constantly looking for something but never getting anything accomplished

3:03amBen

but people do take risks. all the time. for example, did you know that there are a lot of people that are killed or beaten, or tortured everyday because of their beliefs? and especially because they are trying to share them with others? there are some who live in constant danger and can't even be spoken about because it would endanger them.

3:04amJon

and thus they are proven right or wrong or even worse... cowards.

3:05amBen

how is dying for what you believe cowardice?

3:06amJon

no thats not what i said i said that not revieling who you are or what you think is cowardice

what will cowardice get you in life... nothing on those that are bold will get far

3:09amBen

i know, and i agree with that. wholeheartedly. if you are threatened and you put up no resistance, then that means that you never really understood what you actually believed or not.

3:10amJon

nore were you truely tested.

3:12amBen

exactly. if you had truly tested yourself, you would have known yourself and your personal convictions. thus, you wouldn't have cracked right away, if even at all.

3:12amJon

and cowardice is a pth that only a few have ever walked away from

3:13amBen

very, very true. once you give in to cowardice, it is incredibly hard to get out of. i know that one personally. however, im not staying in it. im trying to fight my way out.

3:15amJon

and that really all one can do is fight until to break through only relying on those that you can truely count on

3:16amBen

now that a true statement. if we can't rely on anyone at all, life would suck!

3:17amJon

relying on some one and using them however is a fine line and one that can be mastered with a relative ease once you've figured out what strings to ull at what time

3:20amBen

that's also true. personally, i would rather rely on someone rather than use them. relying on them means that they stick with you no matter what you face. kind of like sam and frodo in The Lord of the Rings. frodo told sam to go home so many times but he didn't. on the other hand, if you simply use them, there's that nasty little business of discarding them like a used paper towl. then you have at least one enemy who will most likely be out to get you.

3:21amJon

most every one is out to get you and your lot in life is to try and find the few ppl who are there with you

3:22amBen

then learn to do as i do, try to keep peace with everyone. now, im not saying be a pushover. just learn to avoid conflicts. words can be as sharp as swords you know.

although i would say that only a handful are out to get you and the rest,other than the few you rely on, could care less

3:24amJon

sure avoiding comflicts can be occasionaly beneficial but stirring up some can always be used for you benefit as well

3:26amBen

hahahahahahahaha!!!!!!! man, now that's a good point. i should have seen you would bring that one up. i agree with that. sometimes, conflicts are neccessary to accomplish the task you need done.

now, i hate to say this, but it's almost four. and im tired

3:27amJon

epescially when the conflict is between to of your own competitors leaving you unnoticed and quickly rising to the top

lol true.



Well, that's it. Like I said, Jon and I often have these discussions. I find them enjoyable and even refreshing at times. But what about you? What's your opinion? Feel free to post comments here, or if you came from my facebook, then post them there and I will transfer them over. Ok, peace out!

continuation

Thunder crashed across the sky, but Flame didn't care. His thoughts were focused. Aldric was wrong. He had hidden it from everyone. A powerful gift flowed through his veins. Only one other knew of it. And only one other did not fear it.
Flame looked to the sky and allowed the rain to pour over him. It seemed to penetrate into his soul, washing away the shell that he had hidden himself in. His time had now come.
<><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><>
The kingdom was in an uproar. Many were outraged by the rumors and stories that ran rampant throughout the kingdom. The Council was called together, and had been in meeting for weeks on end, trying to get all the details and the full stories. A trial was called.
The accused, Jardin of the drax, stood before them, his eyes shining with amusement.
"Jardin, son of Caldrin, do you understand why you have been summoned before this Council?" High Councilman Baldwin asked gravely.
"With all due respect, I am afraid I do not. Clearly there has been some misunderstanding." Jardin answered.
Many of the Councilmen began to murmur. Baldwin looked down from his seat. "You have been accused of violating a life pledge between you and Kaylandra, daughter of Aldric, a member of a highly thought of and respected bloodline. You also stand accused of being in a relationship involving the King's youngest daughter."
More murmurs coursed through the Council, and even more in the spectator's balcony that circled the upper levels of the building. Jardin merely smiled. "My lord, I do not know what you mean. Are you proposing that I, a member of the drax, the most powerful and respected of the draigons, would dare to desecrate such an sacred covenant? And moreover, disgrace the house of our lord, the king?"
"Do not play with me, boy. You may belong to the drax, but this Council is the law of this nation. It is only subservient to the king himself. This is trial to prove whether or not you are innocent." a Councilman stated.
"Forgive me, sir, it was not my intention to be insulting. I am merely pointing out the ridiculousness of this situation." Jardin bowed.
Baldwin raised his hand. "Enough. Has High Councilman, I hereby declare this Trial's start. Bring forth the Witnesses."
The rest of the day passed slowly. Jardin was questioned again and again. Every answer he made could not be countered, and Aldric felt his heart break for his daughter. Why hadn't he seen it all before? Jardin was a powerful political figure, and that had blinded Aldric to the truth. So when Caldricn had approached him with the offer of a union between their families, he had immediately accepted.
Finally, the Council was satisfied. Baldwin stood to his feet. "Jardin, we the Council, find you innocent before us and all the people here. As much as it pains me, you are...." The doors burst open.
"I demand the right to challenge!" Flame declared, striding to the center of the chamber.
"How dare you! Who do you think you are, boy?!" A Councilman asked.
"For too long, I have lurked in the shadows, watching. Constantly watching. And I have seen and heard much." Flame said. He turned to Jardin, eyes burning with rage. "By the ancient kingdom of Asgaroth, I demand the right to challenge this man's right to Kaylandra, daughter of Aldric, and daughter of the drax."
An audible gasp spread throughout the room. Whispers broke out as the people discussed this new predicament.
Baldwin frowned. "What do you mean, Flamian?" Aldric felt hope rising up in him. The boy looked different; somehow, he appeared more confident and determined then ever he had seen him.
"Have none of you felt it? The power that flows through her veins? Think! How could a girl like her have such persuasion over people? She holds a power, a gift." Flame answered.
Baldwin couldn't help the sudden intake of breath. "H-how did you know she was a Gifted?"
"Because those with a Gift can sense others who have one." Flame answered. "And I will not be denied my challenge!"
"I accept. I should have killed you long ago, you interfering mongrel!" Jardin sneered. No one saw the fist coming till Jardin had landed on his back, four feet away.
"Don't call me mongrel. You disgrace the blood that courses in your veins, just as you disgrace everything else. Oathbreaker." Flame said. A deadly silence fell on the room. The Council looked on in shock, even horror. Oathbreaker was a very serious curse. It was only used when someone broke a very sacred, or a very deed covenant, pledge or oath.


Well, here's the next part. Enjoy.

story

Kayla ran blindly through the rain. Away from the pain. Away from him. The traitor, how could he? He had confessed to her. He had told her he loved her more than life itself. He had proven it so many times. How? How could he have kissed another the same way he had kissed her.
Her foot snagged on something, and she went sprawling in the street. No one was near. She wept, her heart breaking with each tear. Agony coursed through her. She hated him. She despised him. She remained face down, allowing the rain to drench her.
Then, the rain was blocked from her. She raised her head and looked up. A large wing was spread above her, curving to allow the water to run off, keeping the rain from her. Her gaze shifted to the one to whom the wing belonged. Her heart began to beat again.
"You..." she murmured. Strong hands lifted her off the ground. "But I told you to leave..."
"And I told you that I would always be there. So I did as you asked. I left the light and lurked in the shadows." he answered. "I promised to love you always, remember?"
More tears coursed down her cheeks and she buried her face in his shoulder as he carried her through the rain.
"Flamian..." she murmured.
His wings wrapped around her, shielding her. "Hush now. It's in the past."
"It...hurts..." she cried.
"I know." he replied. "I know."
"I should have listened. You tried to tell me so many times..." she whispered.
Flamian stopped before a door. His tail rapped against the door. It opened and he entered.
A man in formal clothing rushed forward. "Kayla!!" he shouted. A woman came running out of the sitting room to the left. The man glared at Flame. "You! What have you done?"
"I have done nothing. Why don't you go ask the cretin you have her pledged to?" Flame snapped. The man recoiled. "What do you mean?"
"Did you know that he already had a lover? Did you know that all his promises were empty?" Flamian demanded.
"Th-that can't be!!" Kayla's father exclaimed. "This....this...."
"Marial, let's get her upstairs and changed out of these clothes." her mother said. The servant who had answered the door took her from Flamian and walked up the stairs, followed by the girl's mother and the maid.
Her father began to pace. "This does not bode well. It is a disgrace!! Why, our family is some of the noblest of blood throughout this kingdom!!"
"I'm going to kill him." Flame said, eyes burning and fists clenched.
"No, Flamian, it is not as simple as that. There is nothing we can do." the father sighed.
"There is something we can do." came the reply.
The father looked up. "And what would that be?"
"We could challenge his claim." Flame answered.
The father gave out a bitter laugh. "You? Challenge a drax? Don't be foolish boy! As much as you love my daughter, there is no possible way you would win against Cardin."
"Then I shall die trying." Flame turned and left, back out into the rain.


Well, this is just a scene that has been running through my head for a while. Except I can't use it in my current story. :( Oh well. I've been thinking about stories after I'm done with my series The Chronicles of Power. I have decided that I am going to use the same characters, but with new personalities and different lives and circumstances. Well, there you go.

wow

Well, fall break has officially started. To bad it only lasts for three days. I wish it lasted longer. Anyways, I am currently working on typing up my first book, while beginning work on the second. So far, I haven't typed much, and have focused more on continuing the story rather than going back. Perhaps I will work on that tomorrow? I don't have homework, already finished.

hello

Greetings. Allow me to introduce myself. I am Benji, although any variation of Benjamin will work fine. Like I said in my profile, this blog is pretty much my way of clearing my head, so be prepared for a lot of random sayings, stories, and other writings.

A paper i wrote for a class

In today’s society, there are thousands upon thousands of “needs”. But how many of those “needs” are actually not needs, but are wants? And for the real needs, is the Church supposed to play a part? Is the Church a part of the solution to the problem of needs?

The answer to this question is an undoubted yes. The Bible, in the first part of Acts, portrays the early Church as an organization that helped others. In a society that focuses so much on self, this is something that can be hard to understand. Here in this nation, the people as a whole have become focused entirely upon themselves. This is the first need, the need to “die” to self. This does not mean that a body should go and completely purge himself of, well, himself. Instead, this means that people are to move the focus from themselves, to others. They are to not think less of themselves, but think of themselves less. When someone focuses on someone else, they do not lose themselves, neither their personality nor their individuality, but instead become more themselves than ever. People were created to be social; it is how they were created. God created man to yearn to belong, to be a part of more than just himself. When self is thought of less, this basic instinctual need is met.

The needs of today are this: to abolish self (in the sense afore mentioned), to care for the poor, and to help shine the light of Truth upon a world gone dark with lies and deceit. There is a major deception in this world. The fallen angels see to it that there is. Although, no matter what people (or rather, Christians) do, that deception will not be lifted. Not yet. It has not yet played its part in history. However, Christians must still strive to battle it, to shine their light. In society today, the poor are looked down upon. They are looked and sometimes treated as though they were less than a human being, but everyone should challenge themselves to think, “what if that were me?”. When someone thinks this, they are no longer dwelling upon themselves, they are putting themselves into someone else’s shoes and looking at the world in a whole new way. The way Jesus taught when He came and flipped this world upside down. The Church has a responsibility to step up and follow the example that was placed before it. If the Church focused on helping the poor and elderly more, there would not be any troubles with the Social Security.

This leads to the next point: what is the Church’s mission? Is it responsible to the needs of this world? The answer is yes. The Church, as a whole, should focus more on the needs of others. Of course, this is exactly what it has done for centuries, but now, it feels as though it has begun to slip away from that mission. It is time for a wakeup call. The Church has begun to nod off, but the battle is only beginning. The world of today strives to separate everyone, to drive them apart. This mustn’t happen, nor will it. As mentioned before, man was created to interact with others. People need people in order to survive, whether they wish different. There are some things in this world that can be changed, but there are many more that cannot.

God has always cared for those that no one else would. It is part of His nature. As the children of God, Christians should do the same. When the world looks down upon the orphans, the widows, the prostitutes, the abused, the accused, the victimized, the hurting, the lonely, the grieving, and the dying, Christians should be there, at the side of each and every single one of them. To help them. To guide them. To comfort them. To help break the chains that cannot be broken alone. There is already enough pain and sorrow and loneliness in this world. It is time for them to be driven back. Now, that does not mean that the bad will no longer come. It will, for it is a part of this life. Joy cannot come without pain coming before or after. If one is to be accepted, the other must be as well. Sometimes the good seems to be outweighed by the bad, but bad can be made into good, with God’s help. God can do that; He can take the bad and have something good come of it.

The Church is the one that should be teaching this message. Spreading the word that yes, bad things happen, but God isn’t the one to blame for it. We are. We are the ones that brought suffering into this world. It is because of our choices that bad things happen. However, people still have a choice when suffering does come: they can either let it tear them apart and leave them broken and shattered, or they can take that experience and allow it to help them grow strong. Sometimes, people must go through the “dark places” of life in order to learn a specific lesson. There is a reason and a purpose for all that happens. It is up to the individual to learn what it is. However, just because one person goes through an experience and learns a lesson, then another goes through the exact same thing and learns something as well, does not mean that they will both arrive at the same lesson. This is because of situation and circumstance.

As for what my own part to play in all this is, I haven’t got the faintest idea, but that is okay. Whatever purpose that I have, I shall continuously strive for it. Never shall I give up until I have found it. Although, I believe I may know at least part of how I fit into the scheme of things. I enjoy helping others whenever I can. When I see someone in need of something, and I know that I can help, I don’t hesitate. I step to the plate and swing, without even thinking of being repaid for however it is that I helped them.

Jeremiah 29:11-14a

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek and find me when you seek me with all your heart. I will be found by you," declares the Lord.

God already knows what is in store for us, but He allows us to find it out for ourselves so that we can grow strong enough to survive in our faith. A good analogy of this is a caterpillar breaking free from its chrysalis.

Let’s say we are on a hike. It’s a beautiful day, with only a few clouds in a sapphire sky. As we are hiking through a forest, we stop to rest. To our delight, we find a chrysalis that is just being opened. Now, we could help the butterfly out. Take a twig or a knife and widen the hole so it can get out, but if we did that, the butterfly would die. Why? Because it needed that struggle in order to grow strong enough to survive, to spread its wings and fly.

That is what it takes. So let’s face it. Let’s turn to the future and say, “Bring it on!” Not in a proud way that says, “I can get through anything because I’m strong.” But instead, let us say it in way that says, “This is going to hurt, but we have to keep going.” The pain is necessary at times. And don’t go saying that it isn’t fair. Life isn’t fair, and whoever said that was lied about it. Life is hard, but the thing to learn is what I mentioned earlier. We have to learn to accept the good with the bad.